Justice Stephen Colbert?

Washington, DC – What if a Supreme Court Justice was brought to you by Doritos and all of their crunchy goodness?  Well, if Stephen Colbert has his way it just might happen, because the Federal Election Commission has given their blessing for Colbert’s launch of his Super PAC.

A pal close to the Comedy Central host told Unsolicited Drivel, “We’re very excited at the possibility of Stephen joining the Supreme Court.  But he doesn’t want to be seated on the bench just so wealthy Republicans can buy his vote and name museums after him and give him busts of Ronald Reagan and stuff. The Supreme Court has already made a mockery of election finances in Citizens United, and who can you name that’s better at making mockeries than Stephen?  Nobody, that’s who!  We’re not very confident that he’ll ever be able to get Justice Thomas to show any emotion on his face if he’s seated, but we’re sure Stephen will liven up the courtroom.  As far as the corporations that will literally be able to donate truck-loads of cash to Stephen’s PAC, he’s leaning toward including some snack-food companies and offering to take their donations in trade so he can also stamp out childhood hunger while he’s at it.  That way he can differentiate himself from the majority of our lawmakers right away by actually doing something that helps America for a change.”