Schwarzenegger Baby Mama Opens Up

Mildred Baena, the housekeeper who should have been throwing herself into her work instead of at her employer, has finally broken her silence over her lovechild with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

In an interview with Hey, You! Magazine, Mildred described slowly realizing that Schwarzenegger was her son’s father.

She stated, “He wasn’t that muscular coming out of the womb. It wasn’t until Joseph started to grow up that I noticed the similarities. Arnold never noticed them, but then again, that would have distracted him from noticing himself. Anyway, I became suspicious when Miho, I mean, my little Joe kept asking for Vienna Sausages instead of Chorizo in his quesadillas. He also started smoking cigars much earlier than most kids too. But I’d have to say the moment I realized he was definitely Arnold’s son was when he told me how grateful he was that he was born on U.S. soil so that he could someday run for president and get in bed with corporate America instead of his stuffed animals.”