Will Justice Thomas Get Benched?

Washington, DC – Progressive groups are sounding the call more loudly by the day for Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas to step down due to conflict of interest (translation: lining his pockets courtesy of corporate America).

Ever since being seated on the bench, Thomas has consistently ruled on the side of big business.  Not really a surprise considering a president with the last name of “Bush*” seated him, but sort of ironic considering how those rich white folks treated his ancestors.  He told America as much during his confirmation hearings.  However, the pickle he may be in now involves the political activities of his wife, Ginni, and how they pertain to Thomas benefiting financially as a result.

Mrs. Thomas, inventor of the Tea Party and the 7AM drunk dial, collected nearly $700k between 2003-2007 working for the conservative Heritage Foundation. When required to disclose this income on his Supreme Court records, Thomas checked the box labeled, “Uh, what?” and left it at that. Mrs. Thomas has also been very involved with the group Liberty Central, but there is no box that Justice Thomas is forced to check to label her as a delusional jerk.

While there is no way to know with certainty if Justice Thomas spent any of his wife’s money to download porn to his iPad or buy Coke Classic by the case at the Sam’s Club, there is evidence suggesting he took many gifts from one her political donors – Harlan Crow. Whenever there is a need for cash, Mr. Crow seems to be at the Thomas’ beck and call, including funding a library to honor the Justice in Savannah. It’s also believed that Justice Thomas received a bust of Abraham Lincoln from Crow and a Bible that once belonged to Frederic Douglass, which his wife almost made him turn down as it wasn’t autographed by Jesus. Ginni also did make it clear that she had no plans to bedazzle the bust of Lincoln with conflict diamonds, as she feared she might be confused with Callista Gingrich, but with less plastic hair.

Even if it cannot be proven that Justice Thomas spent his wife’s income, if he accepted lavish gifts from a right wing political donor it IS a conflict of interest for him to continue on the bench of the Supreme Court and he MUST be made to step down. We at Unsolicited Drivel believe there is a very distinct possibility that Thomas is in bed with wealthy conservatives and rolling around in their money as we snapped this candid shot of him last night at the yacht club down at Potomac River Basin:

*Not inventors of the art of corporate kick-backs to politicians, but masters of said art.