Ashton Kutcher is Not a Nutritionist Apparently

Eat different.

Los Angeles - One dimensional actor Ashton Kutcher nearly starved himself to play tech legend and Apple Computer founder Steve Jobs, even ending up in the hospital at one point during his brilliant plan.  The late Jobs was a Buddhist, and we hear that they believe in reincarnation, but we hope Jobs comes back as some sort of critter without opposable thumbs that can't work an iPad after watching the trailer. Critics have been giving the actor some decent reviews for Jobs, but we are also guessing they serve alcohol in the theaters at the Sundance Film Festival these days.

We wondered about the actor's diet for the film.  Obviously, he did not use proper supervision if he ended up in hospital - a place people go that makes them want to commit suicide even though they are still ironically willing to watch Grey's Anatomy* from their sickbeds.  We also wondered if he copied his former bride Demi Moore's diet an she's so good at rocking the red carpet looking like a biology class skeleton.  A pal of the family, who Kutcher is still close with told Unsolicited Drivel, "Ash doesn't talk to Demi, but he still talks to her kids. He called Rumer Willis for advice and she told him that Demi subsists on macro biotic air and one gluten free biscuit daily.  Oh, and diet Red Bull. They filmed the near death scenes at the beginning of production. Then Ashton started dating Mila Kunis, a girl with actual curves, and quickly got his appetite back."

*MOST inaccurate, bat-shit crazy medical show ever. Doctors are NOT fuck-weasels to their patients. Among Grey's other infractions.