Rep. Peter King Relieved He Can Go Back to Hatin’ on Muslims Now

Washington, DC – The House of Representatives finally passed a $9.7 billion bill to aid the victims of Hurricane Sandy today. The bill sailed through the normally dysfunctional bunch of law blockers faster than Team Oracle in the America's Cup.  As the bill is likely to be approved by the Senate very quickly (as they are somewhat less insane than the House), this very good news indeed for Rep. Peter King of Long Island because it means he can go back to devoting his day to hating Muslims full-time!

An aide to the irascible Congressman told Unsolicited Drivel, “I was starting to get really worried his head would explode if we didn’t get the Sandy relief this week. Do you know what the consequences of that could be? Well, I think it would mean that Communist Alec Baldwin would move back to Long Island and run for Representative King’s seat and that would spell clear and present danger for haters everywhere. Although it’s still possible that Mayor Bloomberg will just appoint Baldwin to his seat when he retires, as he seems to think he’s king of the Jews as well as New York City or something. And didn't those people kill Jesus? The nerve. So we took Representative King’s blood pressure after the vote and all is well. Now he can go back to hating Muslims, or ‘Mohammeds’ as he likes to call them and raise holy Hell every time they try and build another mosque that most New Yorkers would pass by every day and never even notice.”