Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Suri Cruise SLAMS "Bitchshaw" Twins

Nice try, bitches.
New York, NY - Tot fashionista Suri Cruise came out and slammed™ actress Sarah Jessica Parker's invitro-wonder spawn twins for trying to steal her fashion thunder this week.

Speaking to Unsolicited Drivel exclusively, she told us, "This was MY week and my week alone to be tops in tot fashion news. Every week is MY WEEK. The Church of Sendmemoneytology assured me of that.  Didn't you see my Panda hat I had on the other day?  And that was a REAL Panda.  My dad got Jack Black to skin one when his character  was hopped up on smack (allegedly, just in character) while filming Tropic Thunder which they actually filmed in China and my mom's new design firm Holmes and "Yang," not surprisingly, knew just what to do with it!  Forgive me for selecting this photo where my mom Katie's head is cut off, but much like SJP, she only washes her hair when she has any acting work.  Look at those two little snots and the city bitches?  What are their names?  Tabitha and Hagatha? Could be as one has on a pair of tights that makes me want to drop a house on that little witch.  Preferably, a Brooklyn brownstone.  And pea coats?  Really?  I know our dads have a lot in common*, but get yo' little asses up to a lobster dock in Maine where our dads could get married already and stay off of my turf!"

™The Huffington Post
*Gay rumors.

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