The Hollywood couple enlisted their friends (who will probably stop speaking to them shortly) to star in a series of public service announcements against child sex slavery with the catchy slogan “Real Men Don’t Buy Girls.” The oddly light-hearted ads feature vignettes including “real man” Justin Timberlake pretending to shave with a chainsaw, and “real man” Aston Kutcher implying he’s going to do his own laundry after nearly being asphyxiated by his socks, and “real man” Sean Penn threatening to clock someone with an iron. No, actually Penn was making a grilled cheese sandwich. But we’re pretty sure someone will get clocked with his iron once Penn can’t get another film to pay his alimony on time because of this piece of dreck campaign. The PSAs also feature other assorted "real men"** as well.
Lois Fury, spokesperson for the Coalition Against Pervs Who Buy Their Dates, told Unsolicited Drivel, “This is what happens when celebrities out of touch with reality get involved with charities. I’m sure their hearts are in the right place, but the tone of this campaign turns my stomach. I don’t think the kind of pervert who buys children sold into sex slavery will be watching these PSAs unless the DNA Foundation chooses to air them exclusively on shows like ‘Toddlers in Tiaras.’ These sex offenders are pedophiles and sociopaths don’t get subtlety. And while most of the celebrities seem like decent choices, they also have a scene with Donald Trump included - a man who has achieved a personal best of objectifying women with his procession of trophy wives and his producing beauty contests. And just look the irony of the sponsors of the movement – the Hollywood poster children for May-December relationships. I’m sorry, but I feel the campaign was really poorly conceived overall. However, I suppose it still won’t bomb as badly as a movie costarring creators Demi and Ashton would.”
*Duh, wonder how long it took them to come up with that altruistic name?
**Is Bradley Cooper a real man?
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