He stated to his board of directors, “While I am hoping that my job won’t be open at any time soon, I am fully confident that if need be, James can succeed me as the biggest hating hater there ever was to control all of the world’s news. I don’t know if he’ll ever be worthy of the term of endearment, ‘that wretched boy of mine’ which mother uses for me, but there’s always room to hope. To ensure this, I’ve instructed him to up his daily viewing quotient of our American outlet, Fox News. Gentlemen, you can also be rest assured that there is no doubt in my mind that when it becomes known that News Corp. is currently hacking the phone and Twitter accounts of the rioting hooligans in here Great Britain, James will do a much better job of pretending to have no prior knowledge. The next time he lies before Parliament, it will be well after he’s completed his method acting class at the Old Vic.”
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