Lindsay Lohan Furious She Was Not the “Black Swan”

Miami, FL – Do the fans that were hoping for a Lindsay Lohan comeback and are still smarting from her turning down Heather Graham’s part in “The Hangover,” finally have an explanation for the fading starlet passing on the highest grossing R-rated comedy of all time? Is the real reason because instead of gyrating on a stripper pole (again), Lohan envisioned herself doing pirouettes across the boards?

During a recent photo shoot for an interview she would never follow through with for Plum Miami Magazine, the 25-year old actress expressed her frustration that she was never considered for the lead role in the Oscar winning movie "Black Swan," despite taking ballet until the age of 19.

It seemed a shame to us that with all of that training and clearly having a dark side,  Lohan was never considered for the role of Nina. We reached out to the production crew on the film for comment and one insider told us, “She’s being a little over dramatic, but that’s not a surprise. Fact is, she was briefly considered. She certainly would have been believable as a neurotic, borderline anorexic who likes to occasionally get it on with chicks. We even mentally prepared ourselves for the late night comedian’s jokes that would come along with Lindsay in the role, like them referring to her as ‘Blackout Swan’ or ‘Crack Swan.’ But when it came down to it, the only way the director Darren Aronofsky would seriously consider Lindsay was if we re-wrote the script so that she could play ‘Black Tar (Heroin) Swan,’ and his agent felt it was still too soon after ‘Requiem for a Dream’ for him to do another junkie movie.”


REAL Black Swan Dancer Revealed

There was a lot of controversy recently over just who did the majority of dancing in the movie “Black Swan,” with both director Darren Aronofsky and choreographer Benjamin Millepied fiercely defending star Natalie Portman against body double Sarah Lane’s claim that Oscar winner Portman only did 5% of the dancing.

Millepied’s statement read:

“She’s my baby mama.  Therefore, she totally did all of the dancing.  Sarah, who?”

Followed by Aronofsky’s statement which read:

“Just like I made Mickey Rourke do his own wrestling in ‘The Wrestler,’ I insisted Natalie do the majority of the dancing in ‘Black Swan.’  Besides, it wasn’t about Natalie’s tour jete; it was about her being convincing as someone flipping her wig in my cinematic tour de force.  And I’m the director.   So STFU already.”

While both men’s statements seem convincing enough, a behind the scenes insider has come forward to insist that they are lying and told us:

“The real dancer/body double was actually a robotic ‘Swan Lake Barbie’ for many of the scenes.  I don’t know if it was because Natalie was already pregnant, or because Sarah had never seen food before like they have at the Craft Services table, but when it came time to film, neither of them looked like a svelte enough ballerina to cause teenage girls to develop an eating disorder.  There isn’t a female that presents a more unrealistic body image to young girls other than Barbie, so the producers made the tough decision to have her step in at the last minute to perpetuate a stereotype.”

Male Movie Fans React to Mila Kunis’ Oscar Snub

Los Angeles – Guys who get dragged along to “Blank from Hell” movies by their girlfriends at multi-plexes across America, were sorely disappointed this morning when the 83rd Academy Awards snubbed actress Mila Kunis for her bi-ballerina in “Black Swan.”

One extremely frustrated moviegoer told us, “Do you know how long I’ve had to wait for a decent lesbian sex scene in a major motion picture?  It’s probably been since the 90s at least, with that Gina Gershon movie, ‘Bound.’  This is terrible news that Mila got snubbed by Oscar, as how many A-list actresses are going to be willing to play lesbians now? Probably none.  But that’s not going to stop girlfriends from dragging guys like me and my buddies to see these incredibly boring art-house movies.  I guess my only hope for a lesbian sex scene sighting this year will probably be if Rhianna finally comes out of the closet and does other chicks in her music videos.”

Mila Kunis’ Blindness Shocker

Behind Mila Kunis’ sexy stare in the movie thriller “Black Swan” the big screen ballerina has revealed there was once a blank stare.

In an upcoming interview in the February issue of Cosmopolitan she states, “I was blind in one eye for the longest time and nobody ever knew.  But I know what your are thinking and the answer is ‘no,’ my blindness had nothing to do with my dating a guy for 7 years who looked like he hadn’t gotten rid of his baby teeth yet.  Macaulay and I remain close friends and ask that you respect our privacy during this time after our break-up when hardly anyone remembered we were dating to begin with.  Anyway, after shooting the movie and nearly getting a concussion from banging into dancers at every rehearsal, I finally decided to have the surgery to put the new lens in.”

When asked what she was looking for in a guy, the notoriously tight-lipped starlet just replied, “I’m just happy to be looking with two eyes for a change.”