Farrah Fawcett Love Ryan O’Neal Confirms He’s a Complete Tool

Los Angeles – As if it wasn’t bad enough that the ghost of Farrah Fawcett is getting ready to celebrate the second anniversary of her death being overshadowed by King of Pop Michael Jackson's death, now once promising actor Ryan O’Neal is stealing her thunder yet again. Ryan is no stranger to controversy, but he may stir up even more by promoting his series, Ryan & Tatum: The O'Neals, on Piers Morgan Tonight by insinuating he’s responsible for the death of America’s angel.

O’Neal told Morgan, the tabloid skank masquerading as a journalist, that he wondered if Fawcett hadn’t met his train-wreck of a family, if she might not have ever gotten sick. He further went on to blame daughter Tatum for most of the family strife as she has more name recognition than his other two kids who spend most of their time in rehab or in the clink.

We asked a medical expert in oncology if Ryan’s theory was plausible. He told us, “There are those, including myself, who truly believe that mutant cancer cells begin to divide because of stress. It’s quite possible that if Farrah didn’t want to smoke the marijuana that was likely always around house, that she was indeed extremely stressed and despite her great health habits got sick anyway.    O'Neal blaming his children for Fawcett's death makes him worse than I previously ever thought, and the fact that the three heavily drug-using O’Neal kids haven’t gotten sick despite having such a complete tool of a father, kind of proves my theory. Although, I suppose it’s still possible they could die of embarrassment.”

Fawcett Swimsuit Now a Part of Horny History

Washington, DC - On what would have been the late sex symbol’s 64th birthday, The Smithsonian Museum of American History has announced it is adding Farrah Fawcett’s iconic swimsuit to their collection.

Fawcett’s former partner, Ryan O’Neal, has announced he is donating the famous red suit along with other Farrah memorabilia to the national museum to ensure her place in pop culture history.  He added, “I knew as soon as I made the decision that when Farrah looks down on me today, like she did when she was alive, flashing that big smile that we all loved, but when directed at me with a slightly quizzical look in her eyes, she will approve.”

  The donation will also include an original copy of her famous swimsuit poster, a tube of Ultra Brite, a bottle of Wella Shampoo, and a memo drafted to Aaron Spelling detailing the salary bump it would take her to keep from walking on season two of “Charlie’s Angels.”

Unsolicited Drivel spoke with one curator at the museum about the acquisition who told us, “Well, it’s not as good as Michael Jackson’s original nose, but it’s a wonderful addition to our pop culture wing to be sure.  I just want to make sure the swimsuit is very clearly marked so there is no confusion.  I don’t want visitors to think it belonged to Pamela Anderson on ‘Baywatch.’ Then again, that should be clearly evident as the suit doesn’t have any micro-tears in fabric in the crotch area due to crabs.”

Ryan & Tatum O'Neal - Reality TV Apocalypse?

Chicken shit! Fans of reality television might want to get used to the notion that it could go away sooner rather than later as Hollywood’s most dysfunctional father/daughter duo plans to stink up the small screen. Big time.

Sorry for all of you fans of Lindsay and Michael (I like to kick my dates in the vajay-jay) Lohan.  They're amateurs compared to Ryan and Tatum O’Neal!  The O’Neals are pitching a show “Lost and Found,” working title: “F.U. You F’in F’er Get the F Out of My Life - Oh, Wait! Come Back! I Can’t Find an F'in Acting Job.”

It's believed that last year’s passing of Ryan’s long-time love Farrah Fawcett reunited the estranged father and daughter when Tatum was surprised to find Ryan’s hand in her blouse at the wake.

Some of the controversial issues they are likely to cover may include the proper age for a child to start snorting coke off of their Etch-a-Sketch and how to avoid damaging the screen, the proper ways to blow smoke rings and Hollywood producers, when to use a fireplace poker for an assault instead of bare fists, among other important domestic issues.

We asked a Hollywood industry insider for a comment on the O'Neal's project and he told us, “Well, it’s certainly good news for writers of scripted TV that have been starving since the last strike. If anyone could possibly bring down the reality TV genre in flames it would be Ryan and Tatum. Their show will probably make the Osbournes look like Masterpiece Theater.”