Prisoners Help Each Other Decide Where to Commit Crimes Via Yelp

Need to get a handle on which city to commit a crime in should you get caught and do time?!? Well, the on-line ratings site Yelp can help!  That’s right.  Prisoners across the country are now posting their reviews about the facilities where they are incarcerated.

Joe B. of Riker’s Island: Man, privatization has killed the coolness of this place.  And the menu too.  It used to be pork and beans, but now that they are all about making a profit, it’s roaches and rice like every night.

Jethro G. of Lewisburg Penitentiary: Not rapey enough. IMHO. LOL!

Jesus C. of  California Correctional Center: Overcrowding is worse than being jammed into a van with 45 amigos. B.O. is out of control! Plus, they can’t make a decent Mole sauce to save their lives!

Jake B. of Joliet Prison: The bed bugs keep me busy. I’ll say that much. I like to pick the scabs and send them through the U.S. mail to ex-girlfriends. Did you know that’s illegal? It sure as hell is! So I’m still living a life of crime while DOING TIME!  Ha! And if you are a fan of self-hatred as I am you can pretty much guarantee getting beaten up in the yard just by showing up.

LaMar G. of Baltimore City: Not enough access to Smack. WTF? This big house is whack!