To the sadness of pre-pubescent boys and self-obsessed male pop stars everywhere, singer/actress Jessica Simpson has vowed she will never do a nude scene, no matter how artistic the film, even if it meant winning a “frickin’” Oscar. While Oscar winning actresses are no strangers to nude scenes, something tells us that seeing what’s underneath her Dallas Cowboys Jersey (yes, she still sleeps in it) and “Mom” jeans would still not improve Jessica’s chances with the Academy. In fact, statistically speaking in all likelihood, the following things are much more likely to happen to her than her ever winning an Oscar:
Being studied for use as a chemical weapon for next surge in Afghanistan- 23%
Sighting an actual winged buffalo outside her Hollywood
hills home -17%
Becoming “dark and intellectual” spokesperson for “Curves’’- 25%
Winning the “The Oscar Wilde of the Bimbette Set” moniker due to her finesse for quotable quotes -35%
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