Gettysburg No Longer To Be Hallowed Ground

GETTYSBURG, Pa. – Lincoln, Lincoln, we’ve been thinking…what the f@#k has the National Park Service been drinking?  Perhaps it’s moonshine as they just granted a permit to the white supremacist group, Aryan Nations, to hold a rally next month in Gettysburg National Military Park, giving a new and painful meaning to the battlefield known as “Devil’s Den.”

Actually, the Park Service couldn’t keep the hate-mongers out due to that freedom of speech hitch in the Constitution. Man, that thing's a double-edged sword! Gee, we have to wonder if Sarah Palin has plans yet for her $100k shriek speech to pay for her legal bills that weekend already?

Ugh.  We may never want to visit Gettysburg again now.  Of course, we were hesitant to go back anyway after our own “History of Drinking Tour” which ended with one family member having a philosophical conversation with a statue of Abe Lincoln at 4 AM in the town square (you know who you are).

The rally speeches will focus on discussion of issues like homosexuality, immigration, and how best to be a completely hateful, intolerant douche bag in general.   "Douche-baggery for Dummies," if you will.

Skinheads will be lining up on June 19th and it is not yet confirmed if Michelle Bombshell McGee or Jesse James will be keynote speakers.  As every Civil War gift shop in Gettysburg is typically sold out of handcuffs, our guess would be no.