Courtney Love Will Say She Had Sex With You

Someday, anyway.  Are you an Aboriginal tribesman in a hidden village in the wilds of the outback?  Are you a giraffe in a zoo?  Don’t worry, because eventually, Courtney will get around to banging you!  Yes, she will and she will tell whatever publication that’s willing to write about it.

Recently, Courtney stepped off the crazy train on her whistle-slut tour to announce she had bedded British super model Kate Moss.

She told the Irish magazine Hot Scuzz, “I mean, are you surprised?  Why do you think she went with Pete Doherty?  He was me, only with a wiener.  Our affair often involved me chasing Kate around the hotel room.  Of course, she wasn’t always easy to find, as you can’t see her when she turns sideways.  I hope she doesn’t mind that I outed her, but if her modeling bookings can increase after being caught on camera snorting coke, I bet being a lesbian should send them through the roof.  I never got around to having sex with Naomi Campbell though.  It was a conscious choice on my part really.  I couldn’t risk getting hit in the face and needing more plastic surgery, ‘cause the docs have told me I’ve pretty much reached the lifetime limit for that.”