83rd Oscars Likely Written in 83 Seconds

Los Angeles - The only thing less scripted than supporting actress Melissa Leo’s “F-Bomb” at the 83rd Annual Academy Awards last night, seemed to be the monologue and un-witty banter between  hosts Anne Hathaway and James Franco.  If longtime Oscar scribe Bruce Villanch wrote for the ceremony last night, we’re not even sure he used a pen – or a typewriter.  Possibly, he just coughed while chuckling over a MacBook.

Unsolicited Drivel spoke with our media critic about the telecast who said, “At least Ricky Gervais didn't dress in drag at the Golden Globes.  And if they are going to dress Franco as Marilyn Monroe, couldn't he have launched into a rendition of ‘Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend?’  Hathaway sang after all, which actually kept making me wish she were hosting the Tonys instead.  And Franco gave a more convincing performance of enjoying himself when he fell asleep during a lecture in grad school at Columbia.  We knew there would be no surprises among the winners, and it’s not a surprise when the ceremony is dull.  But you know it’s unusually bad when a bloated Billy Crystal waltzes on the stage looking like he’s taking time away from entertaining folks during canasta games along the borscht belt, and he suddenly seems like the second coming of Bob Hope.”