Royal Biographer Dude Confirms He’s Already Got a Date to Humiliate Kate

Chichester-on-Selfishshire – Is writer Andrew Morton worth his salt? When it comes to cashing in on the misery of royals in the public eye, he certainly is.

Speaking via satellite on a vacuous morning show, biographer of Diana Princess of Whales, former President Clinton paramour Monica Lewinsky (J.A.P.rincess of Wails) and also Angelina Jolie (Princess of Hollyweird), Andrew Morton, confirmed he has many more books about the Windsors and particularly about Kate, in development.

He gushed, “it’s a relief that Wills is finally getting married to Kate Middleton as I was running out of ideas for books about Diana to rewrite history with. My sources at the castle have dried up, but I’ve already picked up a handy little tabloid booklet with tons of information that I bought on my last trip to the U.S. at a little corner store called the Royal Farms. It says here that Kate has already officially posed for a commemorative plate manufactured by someone named Franklin at a mint. And speaking of mint, I read her favorite ice cream is mint chocolate chip. Of course, once she becomes an official royal princess, thanks to the critical tabloid press, she’ll only get to sniff the ice cream bowl in order to maintain her runway ready frame.  If she chooses to inhale, that is.   The only royal I can confirm is confident inhaling is Prince Harry.”