New Huffington Post Editorial Policy Ensures Bloggers Will NEVER Be Paid

New York – Self-made Internet editorial maven Arianna Huffington announced a diabolical plan today to make sure that the bloggers whose backs she built her potentially profitable news gathering service upon will never be paid (despite her being a billionaire).

Speaking at a mid-morning board meeting at the Plaza Hotel over organic green tea and gluten-free scones, Huffington told her captive audience of investors, “You all have my verd that this merger vith AOL vill present no opportunity for us to offer back pay to vriters that vere villing to verk for us for free instead of being paid two cents per verd for features they could vrite for their local alternative veekly papers about things like performance artists who recite Kafka vhile slapping themselves vith pork chops, or businessmen that like go to verk vearing nipple clamps under their suits.  I am a bit dismayed to tell you all hovever, that the only vay ve can guarantee this is to finally go after the higher-brow audience ve initially pledged to attract.   So, as of this meeting, as Editor in Chief, I am hereby banning the use of the verds, ‘Baby Bump, Slam, and Kardashian.’  Ve just blame the original bloggers for the overuse of these sensational verds, and ve vill get rid of them once and for all.   I have not yet come up with the logistical explanation for all of you regarding the appearance on the home page of right ving, lying, hack vriter Andrew Brietbart as I am still verking on exactly how that translates into profitability.  Just give me time dahlinks.”