Callista Gingrich Key to Newt’s Campaign?

Atlanta, GA – By this time tomorrow, draft dodging, wife collecting, Pillsbury Doughboy impersonating, corporate shill, Newt Gingrich, is expected to have announced his intentions to run for the GOP nomination for president in the 2012 election with his lovely wife by his side.  It's believed that Newt’s fans everywhere (technically, just his inner demons) look forward this momentous announcement.

Many Republicans believe that Callista, the future ex-Mrs. Gingrich, who carried on a torrid six-year affair with Newt to ensure the departure of the second ex-Mrs. Gingrich, is ready and able to help boost her husband’s chances in his return to politics. But we wondered how?

One Beltway insider told us, “Well, it seems to me that Newt will have to rely on Callista to make him more palatable to his party.  If he was going to find religion, I’m not really sure why he chose Catholicism if he wanted to appeal to the Americans in the Bible Belt.  Although, with the Catholic church’s knack for cover-ups, maybe it just seemed a natural choice to him given his party.  Too bad the GOP continually alienates the Mexican American voters who share his religion.  But with Callista by his side posing for pictures with her ‘deer in the headlights’ stare, he can probably at least garner plenty of the votes from the rich, philandering, entitled bastards who wish the fictional town of Stepford and its subservient wives really existed.  You know, that's pretty much our entire party without those poor people we dupe into voting for us by flag waving.”