Satan to Murdoch, “I Quit You, Bitch!”

Bowels of Hell - Satan, Prince of Darkness, admitted today that even he couldn’t do business with media mogul Rupert Murdoch anymore due to his phone hacking scandal with his News of the World publication.

Lucifer told Unsolicited Drivel, “Rupert was supposed to just stick to tracking whose marriage Sienna Miller was going to break up next with that man-eating va-jay-jay of hers. But I later found out he screwed up a police investigation by deleting voicemails left on that missing girl Milly Dowler’s phone. You might think I’m responsible for all of the evil in the world, but I’m really not. I definitely don’t take credit for anybody that harms kids. Can you hear me Orlando, Florida? However, I will take credit for homophobic conservatives that are secretly gay. I just love irony and those guys* are a gift that keeps on giving.  Be that as it may, this latest revelation about the evil that is Rupert Murdoch and his media empire makes me feel like a rank amateur, so I’m quitting that bitch. You’ll have to excuse me now as I’m late for me tee time with the Koch brothers.”


*Including Marcus Bachmann.