Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Mayor Cory Booker Goes on Food Stamps; Pet Fish Die

WTF Was I thinking, Jeeves?
Newark, New Jersey Mayor, Cory Booker, decided last week to challenge himself to survive one whole week on only the groceries purchased with a week’s worth of money provided by the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program, or “food stamps.” Booker’s stunt stemmed from a Twitter argument with a follower who claimed that “nutrition is not the responsibility of the government.” Unsolicited Drivel has teamed up with the Anonymous computer hacker group who put a worm on Mr. Booker’s personal laptop so we could live-blog the first day of Mr. Booker’s notes about the effects of living on the approximately $29 / day* allowance:
Chapter 23 Why I should be President in 2016 Part 23 Day 1 of My Food Stamp Adventure

9:00 am – Sent Jeeves to the Quicki-Mart for some Eggos. $4.60! What a rip! $24.40 to go!

9:43 am – Sent Jeeves to the 7-11 for a cupa Joe and an Entenmann’s. $2.00.

10:05 am – Sent Jeeves to the Fish Emporium for some flakes for the fish. He returned and informed me that Food Stamps cannot be used for fish food. I fear for Little Sonia and Maliaka’s life!

12:00 pm – Sent Jeeves to Mickey D’s for a Veggie McMac. He was told that Food Stamps can only be used on the Dollar menu! Plus, they only serve pink slime burgers. We must strengthen the social safety net! $2.00 for a McSideSalad and small lemonade! $22.40 to go.

12:20 – Sonia and Maliaka are giving me, ahem, the “fish-eye.”

1:00 – Sent Jeeves to the PathMark to get me a big bag of Doritos and the whole Twilight series from the Red Box. $10.50. Not sure S. & M. will make it to the end of the day! $11.90 to go!

1:15 - Sonia and Maliaka are driving me crazy so I dumped some of the Doritos in the tank. Hope that works!

2:15 – Sent Jeeves to Tuxedo Junction to pick up my new Armani “White-Knight” suit for William and Kates’ Baby Shower if the Duchess doesn't die of morning sickness. (Told him to use the household account as I am sure Food Stamps cannot be used).

2:20 – Tweeted back that Twitdiot that times are tough in the Booker household. That’ll show her.

2:25 – Sonia & Maliaka are looking pale. Uh-oh.

2:30 – 4:30 Worked on presidential acceptance speech.

5:00 – Sonia and Maliaka are not moving very much. Sent Jeeves to the CVS for some (generic) Pepto. $4.00. $6.90 to go!

5:15 - Pepto in the tank. S. & M. hovering around the top of the tank. Uh oh.

5:30 - Sent Jeeves back to the PathMark for the latest Kate Beckinsale Blue Ray. Or is it Green Ray? I only see green.  Anyway, $2.00. $4.90 to go!

6:00 – S. & M. floating. The Pepto has failed. Probably because it was generic! Sonofabitch! The good news is that I’ve got $4.90 left for tomorrow. Now back to that acceptance speech!

11:00 - Oops!  My bad.  I thought it was $29 per DAY!*  Guess I shouldn't have dumped those Doritos in the fish tank...

Thanks, K.R.S.!

2 comments so far :

Foreclosure Frank said...

I live on rice and beans with self-harvested dandelion greens, Cory, you Wall Street campaign money hounding Mutha!

Bory Cooker said...

This story is unfair

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