Stock Market Plunges on Speculation That the U.S. is Going Back to Being a Big A-Hole

New York – Stocks plunged yesterday with the biggest one-day drop since Wall Street took revenge on Main Street by demanding a bailout over two years ago, leaving many analysts fearing the U.S. is most likely headed for a double-dip recession.

The Dow Jones and Standard & Poors both had index drops of over 4%, a sign that investors have no confidence in the American economy growing, and that many even believe that it’s going in reverse.  Plus there’s lots of crazy stuff going on in Europe too with whatever they’ve done to f**ck up their economies without even declaring wars for no reason.

One financial expert told Unsolicited Drivel, “It was an unusual day for many speculators, but I can’t say I’m surprised after the way the U.S. government handled the debt ceiling crisis.  Over 70% of Americans feel it was handled very badly indeed, as in previous instances we never even heard the words ‘debt ceiling’ on the news, making us all long wistfully for the usual summer stories about tornadoes, shark attacks and babies falling into wells.  Investors showed their distaste by sending a message that they thought America was going to stop being a big A-hole after the ‘too big to fail’ bank bailout in 2008, but clearly we are back to being a big A-hole again by exhibiting such childish behavior on Capitol Hill.  This one-day drop on Wall Street is going to make it all that much more difficult for economic spin doctors to sell the word ‘recession’ when we have actually been in a depression for quite some time.  Hopefully for the White House, the pre-fix ‘double-dip’ will distract Americans because it reminds them of ice cream.”

('toon via Go Comics)