Romney Shockingly Cast to Play Himself in Movie Biopic!

What politician is more flexible than an 11th level Yoga master? Which Republican presidential candidate has chapped forefingers from holding them up to the wind every time he is asked to say anything? Which well known political figure is the winner of the 100-yard flip-flop? If you guessed Mitt Romney, you're right!  The chameleon-like Republican, who is able to alter his opinion and personality to fit the room he's in, be it a roomful of rabid tea-partiers, moderate Republicans (those who are ok with abortion if the mother was raped by her cousin and her life is also in danger), or a bunch of Yiddish-speaking rabbis, is so remarkable in not having an opinion different from whomever he is talking to, has now been tapped to be in a movie.

Woody Allen will direct "Romnig," the sequel to his 1983 film Zelig, about a character who wants to fit in so badly that he changes his physical appearance and personality to look like whomever he happens to be standing next to. The famous child-bride-having geriatric Director said the idea came from a news story he read which quoted an ex-Romney campaign staffer about a phone call which was made to Romney by one of his top donors, Herbert "Gummo" Koch (the lost Koch brother). When Romney answered the phone Gummo said "Hello, is this Mitt?", to which Romney reportedly replied "Do you want me to be Mitt or do you want me to not be Mitt? 'Cause really, I can go either way." "When I read that," the wife-betraying pervertic Filmmaker said, "I knew I had to make a sequel to Zelig, the one film I always felt deserved it, but which I could not figure out a way to do."

The maker-of-movies-starring-beautiful-women-who-somehow-end-up-being-his-girlfriends-despite-his-being-a-toady-little-mysogynistic-dwarf first tried to get Phillip Seymour Hoffman, known for playing the same Phillip-Semour-Hoffmanlike character in every movie to play Romney, but Hoffman was busy in an off-Broadway production of The Life and Same Times of Lee Majors, a major new play about the famously wooden actor, but finally worked out a deal to just use Romney himself from the approximately 2 million YouTube clips quoting his flips and flops. "New technology is an amazing thing," the hobbit-like-and-creepy-shriveled-lech Allen said. The Romney camp is considering suing or not suing, depending on an opinion poll due out tomorrow.