Clint Eastwood Still Hates Chairs

Clint Eastwood Totally Okay With Flushing 82 Years of Cool Down the Crapper

Carmel, CA – E!, the entertainment channel that provides no real entertainment, announced this week that the family of movie actor tough guy/accomplished director Clint Eastwood will launch their own reality TV show.  This news also proves that at age 82, Eastwood is giving up on renewing his license to be the coolest old dude in Hollywood that didn't give a f*ck.

The series, Mrs. Eastwood & Company, will debut May 20^th and will focus more on Eastwood’s wife and their kids.  However, the actor has pledged that he will make occasional guest appearances on the show in an effort to lose all self-respect while disappointing fans.

An entertainment industry insider told Unsolicited Drivel, “I know, wow!  Hard to believe that Dirty Harry would let America into his living room, but it seems like everyone can sell out eventually.  Of course it will likely be just the portion of America that has no appreciation for creativity and likes to watch chicks on TV with big butts prostitute themselves for any paying gig they can possibly get to shill crap products and then have sham marriages.  So I guess America will be watching him from a sofa on their lawns.  Oh well.  Maybe Clint’s just given up on being cool?  It must be exhausting at his age. But there’s still always hope that his appearances will be like Sharon Osbourne and we'll get to see him hurl a ham full throttle at a neighbor’s head and maybe knock it clean off.  His face does kind of seem to be frozen in that ‘Hey you kids! Get offa my lawn!’ expression these days.”

Clint Eastwood to Scowl at U.S. Congress to Make Sure They Get Actual Work Done

Washington, DC – A group of concerned citizens have taken up a collection to pay actor Clint Eastwood to stare at the Republican controlled Congress with disgust to make them more productive now that his own party hates him. Eastwood came under fire this week after he appeared in a Chrysler commercial touting the comeback of the auto industry that President Obama had bailed out. The person in charge of the group Stop Our Lawmakers From Merely Lining Their Pockets and Legislating Lady Parts told us, “Now that Clint makes them squirm because they think he’s a socialist, we think it would be a good idea for him to stand in the capitol building while they are in session and give them the old Gran Torino scowl.  We figure they’ll be more cooperative because they don’t want to ‘make his day’ so to speak by being the usual assholes.”

Speaking from his toadstool underneath a bridge, Republican strategist Karl Rove had complained of the commercial, “The President of the United States is using our tax dollars to buy corporate advertising or something without the approval and machinations of my diabolical mind! That didn’t used to be tolerated.”

Eastwood, in a New York Times editorial response to Rove wrote, “Who gives a f*ck what that fat f*ck thinks?”  He also stated he had become aware of the movement to have him intimidate the living shit out of Congress and he even offered to work for Actor’s Equity union scale.