Skyfall: Movie Review

Bond Fall?

Let me get this out of the way first: smart phones have ruined going to the movies for me. Every time I go there is some asstard who has to check their messages three times or talk on the phone right in the middle of the movie, and for some reason they always sit in front of me. Suggestion for all: 1) go to a movie *or* 2) find out wassupp with your worthless "frenz," but *please* do not try to do both at the same time, lest you be killed by me or my wife with her hobo slayin' knife.

Let me get this out of the way second: this movie is better than Quantum of Solace, the worst Bond movie of all time (I have seen them all). But it also is maybe the weirdest Bond movie of all time. It does not follow the Bond formula of 1) a moo-hoo-ha-ha-rule-the-world-mini-me type villain, 2) Sex bomb Bond girls (there are girls, but they are not very sex-bomby). After some early action which is enjoyable (and which is all in the trailer), the movie goes into "espionage-mode," meaning that there's not a lot of action, but quite a lot of intrigue about MI6 (Bond's agency) possibly being compromised by some internal traitor. Eventually action does return, but if you're like me, you will take your shoes off, put your feet up on the chair in front of you, and nearly fall asleep until it does.

Ultimately, I enjoyed this movie, especially the socks-but-no-shoes-almost-fell-asleep part, but I caution Bond viewers: this is not the best one out there. It almost felt like it was a transitional movie, as in transitioning-away-from-the-stupid-Quantum-storyline-to-something-else-but-still-not-sure-what-that-something-else-is-going-to-be-so-keep-watchin-maybe-the-next-one-will-be-better-and-BTW-doesn't-this-remind-you-of-die-hard-SNL-fans-who-complain-about-dry-rot-years-but-somehow-never-give-up?

Javier Bardem (English name: Joe Creepy) is sufficiently creepy as the sorta-catholic-priesty-villain-if-you-know-what-I-mean baddie.

Posted by: GMan

If You Were a Kardashian, James Bond Would Hate Your Ridiculous Ass

New York-It’s getting really tough to say who was the most “horrified” as the week goes on after the premiere of the latest Kadashian “E!” Network orgy of excess show that was Kourtney and Kim Take New York. Obviously, stunt-hubby and Photoshop project out of the Kardashian Kristmas Kard, Kris Humphries, pops to the top of the list. And of course, there’s always O.J. Simpson who could be feeling extra guilty sitting in jail right now because if he had found ‘the real killers’ of his wife and her companion as promised, America probably wouldn’t be watching this kovetous klan on our TV screens this very day. Thanks, Juice. Thanks a lot.

And now the one and only James Bond, actor Daniel Craig, has declared the entire Kardashian family as “f**king idiots” for the January issue of GQ magazine. Craig stated, "You see that and you think, “What, you mean all I have to do is behave like a f***ing idiot on television and then you'll pay me millions?”

A pal of Craig's told Unsolicited Drivel, “Daniel is an actor, a fan of the scripted word. Of course he holds disdain for reality stars whose only fame is garnered by prostituting themselves in front of the camera. He’s also a private person and prefers to date his co-stars in secret and subsequently marry them while his ex-girlfriend runs up his credit cards out of spite. He’s okay with that. He’s not going to douse any of them with a martini. Dan’s just been a little cranky with the Bond delays since nobody could figure out what the holy hell was going on with the plot that included that incomprehensible bug-eyed French dude as the villain in Quantum of Solace.   Seriously, what WAS that? At least he has the release of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo to look forward to next month. And I’m sure they’ll be rider barring Kardashians from the red carpet because those ho-bags are likely to be strictly vagazzlers.”