Lindsay and Dina Lohan Set to Receive Coveted “Fammy” Award

Celebrating overachievers!

Long G’Island, New Yawk – Unsolicited Drivel has learned exclusively that a newly created annual achievement award, the Fammy, will be bestowed upon Dina and Lindsay Lohan. Michael Lohan will not be invited to the awards ceremony when it takes place later this month as he has been an absentee father and the awards committee decided that rage tweeting and talking to the gossip site TMZ did not meet their requirements.

The foreclosure letter on the Lohan’s Long Island mansion which arrived this week (not likely from the U.S. Postal Service) due to them putting all their mortgage money up their noses or into nightclubs clinched the award for “Most Dysfunctional.”

A judge on the Fammy panel told us, “Also in consideration were the Hulk Hogan family, the Honey Boo Boos, primarily for that mutant finger baby they've got, and those people on ‘Shahs of Sunset’ who can’t stop saying the word ‘whack.’ Surprisingly, the Kardahsians were not in the running because the committee was in total agreement that they are merely spoiled whiners. We hope Lindsay and Dina will be as proud to receive the award as we will be to present it to them. Although it’s kind of large.  It HAD to be.  So I hope it will fit in whichever neighbor’s crawl space they end up living in like that guy in the movie ‘Bad Ronald’ did”

Lindsay Lohan to Dr. Phil: You Didn’t Understand My Mom at All!

BFFs peeps!

New York, NY – One-time actress and legging designer (WTF?) Lindsay Lohan has complained that Dr. Phil has taken advantage of her mother, Dina, even going so far to say the therapist (who got his degree by mailing in a box top off of a box of Lucky Charms) was even “meanful.” Slurring further, "I KNOW mean girls when I see them!"  Which is kind of odd remark to make because we thought Phil was a dude.

Dina Lohan recently made an appearance on the talk show host’s program and appeared wobbly and disoriented leaving most of America to think, “I’ll have what she’s taking.”

In an exclusive interview with Unsolicited Drivel, la Linds to told us, “Dr. Phil the pill just didn’t get my mom at all.  That whole interview was a performance art piece where she was really auditioning to play me in my life story, which they’ll probably make a movie of on Lifetime Network shortly after I turn 27.  Mom is perfect to play me because she now looks more like me than I do myself.  Well, she looks younger than I do anyway.  Gee, that Botox shit’s a-fucking-amazing.”

In other Lindsay Lohan related news, Christian La Bella, a congressional aide for a GOP Rep from the great state of Illinois, was recently arrested for assaulting Lindsay in NYC after a night of nearly not enough shooters.  The charges were later dropped, as Lohan didn’t require medical attention.  Therefore, just like most of his colleagues on Capitol Hill, La Bella is also incompetent.

Lindsay Lohan's $40,000 Tanning Bill Explained

Lindsay Lohan is being sued for $40,000 in unpaid tanning bills from a salon in Las Vegas.   Our in-house tabloid has figured out why the fading starlet struggled to stay so tan!