Blimey! Amy Winehouse Preggers?!?

Cyberspace – Yet another totally inaccurate American gossip web site (like Hollywood Life/Perez Hilton/Insert Your Hack Site’s Name Here) Starpulse is speculating that occasional British singer/performance artist Amy Winehouse might be pregnant!!!  The site goes on to prevent their being discredited in a nanosecond by adding “or has a serious pot belly.”

Starpulse, located in upstate New York and NOT jolly ‘ole England, also took the trouble to point out that Winehouse had visited a sex shop on the night the photos were snapped and feared for the safety of her unborn baby which probably would be born with three heads regardless by stating, “We hope she’s not partying too hard!”

We asked one of Amy’s entourage who told us, “No, she’s not expecting.  That's just regular abdominal distention.  We’re pretty sure she hasn’t even seen her period due to malnutrition since the release of her first breakout album, ‘Frank,’ as shortly after it came out she was able to somehow convince herself that heroin, crack and Jack were able to fit into all of the recommended food groups.”

Perez Hitlon Confirms He’s a Mental Defective

Los Angeles – Blogger Perez Hilton has been many things:  murderer of the English language, Photoshop’s greatest amateur user/horrible artist on the web, reporter of totally made-up celebrity gossip he heard from his dog and a complete douche.  However, now he can add child pornographer to his resume and confirm once and for all that he’s a mental defective.

In case you missed this story that won’t go away, in between dying his hair pink or blue to distract from having no personality, the celebrity blogger posted an upskirt picture of 17-year old Miley Cyrus over the weekend to his Twitter account.  We don’t expect him to be astute enough check on the illegality of upskirting from state to state (it is illegal here in at least one county), but couldn’t he have taken his head out of his droopy ass long enough to realize that Miley was underage?

We asked one L.A. area prosecutor what to make of this latest caper from the stain on cyberspace and he told us, “the laws are very clear regarding child pornography and they carry a mandatory sentence of 15 years.  Besides, I don’t understand why Perez would find this picture provocative enough to post when there are so many readily available of Miley humping a stripper pole on the “Teen Choice Awards,” or writhing around in her latest video looking like a sex-crazed turkey buzzard.”