The Westboro Baptist Church Strikes Again

Annapolis, MD – The controversial gay-hating/people-hating Westboro Baptist Church had threatened to picket singer Whitney Houston’s funeral last weekend because of her “demons,” but they never showed up. And just to remain in the news, they even went so far as to Photoshop themselves into pictures from Houston’s funeral!  Are they losing their momentum to appear like intolerant a-holes?  Sadly, the answer would be “no.”  Unsolicited Drivel found some of them picketing here this weekend after the Maryland General Assembly passed the bill for same-sex marriage on Friday.  Although we have to question their commitment to their intolerance as they left some of their protest signs behind.  And here we thought we’d have to put Rufis in their hot chocolate to get our hands on those!  Anyway, here are some of their signs we found…

And here’s another sign that we created just for them!

Bobby Brown Only Offered Opportunity to Download Whitney Houston’s Funeral Via iTunes

Newark, NJ – Despite denials that he hasn’t been shut out from ex-wife Whitney Houston’s funeral this weekend, sources say R&B bad boy Bobby Brown has indeed been encouraged to not only be a no-show, but also to wait for the video version to purchase via iTunes.  The late pop diva Houston, who died under mysterious circumstances before having to slur through a performance at a pre-Grammys party last weekend, is to be remembered in a private ceremony in her hometown Baptist church this Saturday.  

A family spokesperson, a niece of a cousin of an uncle of a cousin of an aunt of a cousin of Houston’s cousin, Dionne Warwick, told Unsolicited Drivel, “We have a huge support system for Bobbi Kristina and I’m sure she’ll be sufficiently looked after even if her father is not by her side.   He can pay to watch the funeral via iTunes and that money will go back to Bobbi Kristina - so that’s a win-win.  Just in case we haven’t been able to convince him to stay away, we have prayed to Jesus to perform a miracle by creating a mote around the New Hope Baptist Church if Brown’s limo pulls up this Saturday.  If Bobby does manage to swim across the water, the family still will have some comfort in the knowledge that Jesus promised us that where he’s going after he passes, he’ll be forced to watch his 2005 reality show, Being Bobby Brown, on a continuous loop for all eternity.” 

Safety is No Accident for Whitney Houston

Whitney Houston insists she’s clean and sober, but that didn’t keep her from nearly getting kicked off of a plane yesterday for refusing to fasten her seatbelt.

A rep for the pop diva told Unsolicited Drivel, “It’s not like she is back on the pipe or anything. Besides, people who aren’t on crack do crazy things on planes like pee in the aisle or open the emergency slide or even curse loudly and then claim to be victims of homophobia.  So Whitney’s in good company. She was just nervous as she had already missed an earlier flight to her film set in Detroit. She did let a Delta crew member fasten her seatbelt eventually. In fact, Whitney told me she’s thankful she had to wear the seat belt because it pressed down on her diaphragm and reminded her she used to be a singer. Her memory’s not what it used to be. Anyway, now that she’s located it she not only plans to start using it again, but she said she also wants to show those chart-topping, manufactured pop star bitches who are reliant on cleavage and Auto Tune how to locate their own diaphragms.  However, I did have to discourage her from using her fist to show them where it was.”