Oh, Man! Fred Phelps IS NOT Welcome Anywhere!!

Thanks, Jason Collins!

But Westboro is coming for you!

Cynical Lizard on The Boston Marathon Tragedy

Check!

(Via Tumblr)

Every Actress in Hollywood Will Be Chained to “50 Shades of Grey” Movie Version Until Anne Hathaway is Cast

50 Shades of Hathaway?

Hollywood - “Fifty Shades of Grey” now holds the title of best selling book in Britain, beating out (get it?) even the Oxford English Dictionary and also because Harry Potter wasn’t a wizard at bondage and submission.  And ever since the book’s debut, rumors have been running rampant as to who will get to be involved in the film version.

Once former flash-in-the-pan author of cocaine-fueled and ax-murderer-fueled books of the 80s, Bret Easton Ellis, stopped bitching about being passed over for the screen-writing job and ended up just working on soft-core porn with Lindsay Lohan, the casting Olympics began for the B&D, D&S, S&M triathlon.

First there was the controversy when it was rumored that super hot (yet out of the closet) actor Matt Boehmer might play Christian Grey.  But then the  Westboro Baptist Church pickected over the rumor with signs reading, “GOD HATES 50 SHADES OF GAY.”  So that put an end to that due to over coverage by the media. Also every woman in America who is still smarting over Ryan Gosling not being named as People magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive” two years running has serious issues with casting any other actor than Gosling.

So now speculation has moved on to just which lucky lady will be cast as the submissive co-ed Anastasia Steele in the screen adaptation of E. L. (I had to Google all the sex scenes) James' popular novel.

A Hollywood insider told Unsolicited Drivel, “The latest scuttlebutt is that it will be Krysten Ritter, who is on that sitcom about some narcissistic bitch, but was really even better at overdosing on 'Breaking Bad.'  But I have insider information that no matter how many actresses, regardless of whether or not they would be better suited to Anastasia, that ultimately, the role will go to Anne Hathaway.  Anne is very, very dedicated to her craft.  As you aware, she has famously claimed to have lost all of that weight for ‘Les Miserables’ by subsisting on a diet of paste for two weeks.  But what most people don’t know is she made the glue herself out of a euthanized dressage horse she got from the Romney family.  Now that’s some serious dedication! Wouldn’t you agree?  Besides there’s not a single actress outside of porn in Hollywood who can open their mouth wider than Anne can.”

A Message From Heaven

Jesus came to me in a dream last night and he said, "Laurie, you have a big mouth. Please tell everyone I said thanks for the birthday wishes. But you can leave out those people who work in Federal buildings who are always using my name, Fox News and also those guys who have churches about the same size as the Manson family who are trying to verbally murder my followers. Peace out!"

Shouldn't We Have Called for a Christian Version of a Fatwa on The Westboro Baptist Church Yet?

The Westboro Baptist Church's Greatest Hits

Unsolicited Drivel: The Westboro Baptist Church's Greatest Hits
A Year in Hatred Review...

Oh, Look! Westboro Baptist Church Action Figures for Haters!!

Those "currency manipulators" in China will make anything for a nickel.

Hatred Targets Getting Scarcer, Westboro Baptist Church Labels Russell Brand a “FAG”

I'm not a pimp yet mates.

Los Angeles – Having no deceased gay soldiers to try and demonize for their grieving families this week, or celebrity sinners who have recently passed to Photoshop themselves into pictures picketing their funerals, two members of the Westboro Baptist Church targeted self-proclaimed comedian and box office murderer Russell Brand as being gay.

While taking time away from his hobbies of breaking paparazzi’s iPhones or allegedly side-swiping homeless people with his car, Brand hosts a talk show on a TV network where most of the viewers have never even heard of the Westboro Baptist Church, Brand X on cable's FX , and invited two of their more notorious members on - Steve Drain and demon spawn of founder Fred Phelps, Timothy Phelps.  After insisting that Brand was a “fag pimp” the three played a fun(?) game to decide just who was going to hell – which included beloved Hollywood actor Tom Hanks.  Only guessing here...because he dressed as a woman in the sitcom Bosom Buddies?  Oh no! That means Tom Hanks must not only going to hell, but he’s going to TRANSVESTITE HELL?!?

Unsolicited Drivel spoke with Mr. Phelps after the taping of Brand X because it seemed like an odd choice for him to appear on the show. Then again, everything the Westboro Baptist Church does is odd.  Anyway, Timothy told us, “You’re right about Hanks.  Even though he played a retard, and all of them git an express ticket to heaven, he played that transvestite so he’s going straight to hell.  Madonna?  No question there.  I said Gandhi’s going to hell cause he didn’t eat no food given to him and that’s a gift from God.  Or whatever them Hindys worship.  An eight armed elephant or something?  I dunno.  They think ‘fags’ are cigarettes in England but that Brand feller IS a HOMOsexual.  After all, he went and married that good Christian gal Katy Perry and didn’t want to have no sex with her for the rest of his life. What in Jesus’ name was that limey bastard thinkin’?  That ALONE makes him a F-A-G!  Plus, all them British guys are fags.  God hates the British!!!”

UPDATE: We have been reminded by a concerned reader that Tom Hanks played "one of those AIDS fags" in Philadelphia. Our bad for forgetting that performance! But Tom was so convincing as a half-dead dude Reagan wouldn't provide life-saving research for that he was almost unrecognizable.  But it's HELL for Hanksy for sure.

The Westboro Baptist Church Strikes Again

Annapolis, MD – The controversial gay-hating/people-hating Westboro Baptist Church had threatened to picket singer Whitney Houston’s funeral last weekend because of her “demons,” but they never showed up. And just to remain in the news, they even went so far as to Photoshop themselves into pictures from Houston’s funeral!  Are they losing their momentum to appear like intolerant a-holes?  Sadly, the answer would be “no.”  Unsolicited Drivel found some of them picketing here this weekend after the Maryland General Assembly passed the bill for same-sex marriage on Friday.  Although we have to question their commitment to their intolerance as they left some of their protest signs behind.  And here we thought we’d have to put Rufis in their hot chocolate to get our hands on those!  Anyway, here are some of their signs we found…

And here’s another sign that we created just for them!