She’s Baaack! – More Household Hints From Hester

Just in time for you to spend your entire weekend on chores!  Our favorite housefrau is here to answer all of your domestic lifestyle questions.


Dear Hester: I’m really having trouble with finessing a faux finish Venetian plaster technique I’m trying to do in my Federal period foyer. I just can’t seem to get the distressed look I’m seeking. Any advice? - Buffy Boehner, Georgetown

Dear Buffy:  Here’s a way to take the pain out of pretentious painting.  The secret to having faux finishing look, well, less faux, is to do it when you’re completely loaded.   Everybody knows that and particularly in the case of "plaster."  Now get out your sea sponge, and open up that box of chardonnay already.



Dear Hester: I sure do hate it when my cruelty-free, Yukon Gold potato-like, soy chip kettle clusters aren’t right from the 50% post-consumer recycled plastic bag crisp!  Is there any way I can keep them longer than just a fleeting afternoon during the upcoming hot, humid summer months?
– Connie Treehueger, Green Mountain, VT

Dear Connie: It would be really helpful if you ate food that had more preservatives in it. Seriously, what are you made of, money? However, many an expensively made bag of “chips” can be kept long past the time that would require carbon dating to identify them by keeping them in the freezer. That way, you can eat them whenever you want on a sweltering, unseasonably warm day for a cooling, searing pain in the mercury filling, crispity, crunchy snack.



Dear Hester: I sometimes like to use those wire shelf things to give me more space to get the most storage in my cramped cabinets. However, sometimes small and rather personal appliance plugs will catch on the shelves, and pull them out of the crappy particle-board cabinet doors when I remove them. Please help. - Laura Welch, Midland, TX


Dear Laura: It’s always helpful to keep several squares of thick cotton around the house as you never know when they will come in handy. Or, a dingy old apron or stray dress shield would certainly do in a pinch in this situation to create an appliance plug cozy. Now this is only for the U.S. appliances, not the European style plugs. Use a Marlboro pack to trace a pattern on a left over pizza box. Measure and cut two pieces, preferably in calico or gingham prints, and sew together using an over-lock serger stitch, and be sure to include a used rawhide shoelace as a drawstring to give it the look of the old West.