Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Dick Cheney Unsure if He Wants to Turn Another Heart Black

Maryland – Former Vice President and professional heart attack haver Dick Cheney told The Today Show this morning that he’s not sure he wants to destroy another human heart - among other things.

Speaking from what was very likely a multi-million dollar estate in an undisclosed location on Maryland’s Eastern Shore where he can shoot ducks instead of friends full time, Cheney appeared on the program with reporter Jamie Gangel to discuss how Obama will be a one-term president because he said so, and Cheney also spoke of his own precarious health.

The former Vice President feared (not really) that Obama would be a one-term president, because he took on challenges that didn’t involve needlessly scaring the living crap out of the American public to remain in office.  He criticized Obama for taking on things that would help Americans, like health care, instead of keeping them in a state of constant panic, which Cheney believes is a highly effective political strategy – even if it’s currently backfiring on Sarah Palin.

When asked if he would give up having heart attacks full time and undergo a transplant operation, Cheney expressed doubt.  He stated, “Obviously, self-preservation has always been my highest priority and I do have a remote heart pump.  But as for a transplant? I’m thinking probably no.  Hell, I was never even able to get the heart I was born with to operate appropriately to begin with.  I don't want to break another one.  Unless they have one from a recently executed war criminal handy.”

1 comments so far :

Everyone said...

He doesn't need a new heart, or the one he currently has for that matter.

Post a Comment

opinions powered by SendLove.to