(insert joke here), and it’s official – the halftime show sucked. We don’t even know what that was supposed to be, but we're pretty sure that the Black Eyed Peas were auditioning for the next “Tron” movie feature. It didn’t hold a candle to the kitty half-time show on “Animal Planet” either and those kitties didn't even have lasers*.
As we are typically disappointed every year with the halftime show, we took it upon ourselves again to think of ways they could have livened up the Super Bowl and came up with these ideas that could have really worked for our fantasy football follies. We like a pop-culture or current event theme. NFL, please take note for next year:
1. Lady Gaga’s “Cloudy With a Chance of Meatball Gowns”
Lady Gaga, performing with a bevy of back-up dancers dressed as butchers, would pay homage to her infamous meat dress. Entirely financed by cattlemen from the Texas beef industry, the over-the-top spectacle would feature Gaga dressed as a cowboy in the "E-Coli Ballet," and then simulate her barbequing extremely vocal, very cranky celebrity vegans over a spit.
2. Boobie and the Bieb
Picking up where the other Justin performed at the Super Bowl before him, teen sensation Justin Bieber could perform with Janet Jackson in the hope of catching a view of his first bare boob. As censorship is no longer an issue thanks to MTV and kiddie porn shows like “Skins,” expect to see full frontal from Janet. Unfortunately, due to aging and gravity, the Bieb will have to catch his best view while break dancing on the floor spinning on his back.
3. Vanilla Ice Inclement Weather Spectacular
The Super Bowl is supposed to be a respite from the cold of winter, but not this year in Dallas. Rapper Vanilla Ice could have come out of retirement to perform and as punishment for banging Madonna back in the day while having no talent or actual charm, he could dodge shards of ice removed from the roof of Cowboy’s Stadium being hurled at him like meteors before the excited audience, while Fergie and the Black Eyed Peas annihilate the classic pop song “Heat Wave” performing it as theme music.
*WTF, "Animal Planet?" Would it KILL you to get a couple of interns to wave around laser pointers?
1 comments so far :
Vanilla Ice should change his name to Liver Spotted Ice. He getting old!
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