Michelle Obama is Killing Your Kids

Washington, DC – According to The Washington Examiner, First Lady Michelle Obama is responsible for an increase in pedestrian deaths.

The paper, owned by Rupert Murdoch wannabe ultra- ultra- ultra- ultra conservative kabillionaire Phillip Anschutz, implied that due to the “Let’s Move” exercise campaign championed by Mrs. Obama, teenagers have started to get into the way of rich people’s Hummers and often times are so rude that they don’t leave sufficient time for the drivers to brake and are getting killed.

The first lady's office did not respond to requests for comment on the ludicrous speculation.

Governors Highway Safety Association executive director Barbara Harsha insists that the paper misquoted her in regard to the statistics and that further study is needed to determine the cause for the increase in pedestrian deaths. 

An official from the GHSA told Unsolicited Drivel, “ Barbara was just being ironic and that right wing rag saw an opportunity report it as fact to slam Obama.  The increase in deaths is probably due to texting and jaywalking has been rampant forever.  It’s like a game of Frogger on our city streets!  They really want us to believe that lard-assed American kids would still be glued to their chairs staying home playing computer games instead of running through traffic if it weren’t for the Obamas?  Please!  If we’re supposed to buy that raft of crap then I guess we’re also supposed to believe that people would actually read The Washington Examiner if it wasn’t free and flung at their heads by hawkers on their way to the Metro.”