Kid With Socially Conscious Parents Admits Easter Already Sucks Eggs This Year

Takoma Park, MD – An area little girl admitted this morning that “Easter totally sucks eggs already this year” because of the choices her parents made as conscientious consumers.

Sunrise Ryan told Unsolicited Drivel, “I don’t know why I’m even surprised.  I just had this same problem at Christmas when they couldn’t confirm whether the high fructose corn syrup the candy canes were made with came from Monsanto’s genetically engineered crops or not.  So jellybeans are also now out.  No question.  And I don’t mind the vegan chocolate for the bunnies.  I’m used to that.  But this year mom couldn’t find a fair trade supplier in time to get the cacao beans to make the candy because her usual farmer’s server was down most of the week because of his hosting at Amazon.com.  Now I’m screwed with just a basket full of wooden eggs this morning.  Honestly, I don't know why I bothered to get out of my Princess canopy bed.  And don’t you worry - the eggs aren’t leaking toxic formaldehyde gas like those ones they'll be tossing out at the White House tomorrow on the South Lawn.  Nope.  My dad carved the eggs himself out of organic, sustainable bamboo he grew in our yard. They're colored with organic vegetable dye too.  Jesus Christ! Sometimes this being responsible shit gets too damn old for a young kid.”