Move Over Bono - King & Mellencamp Make Macabre Music Together

The wait is over! Stephen King and John Mellencamp have produced the musical everyone's* been talking about! Crowds are already camping out on the streets to see the opening performance of "Ghost Brothers of Darkland County," on April 4, about some dead children. Ewwwwwwwwwwww!!!! That's the sound of the brakes being put on this article. I was just kidding about people being excited. In reality even people who have never heard of the show (which is everyone but Stephen King and John Mellencamp) swear that they wouldn't see it even if someone gave them front row seats and had Bernadette Peters jack them off during the performance. UD Reporters took to the streets to find out more. Jack O., an unemployed shit shoveler from Oke, Oklahoma said: "I just lost my job, had my house foreclosed on, and not 5 minutes ago, a roving pack of Republican congressmen stole my home entertainment system, and you're telling me the solution is to go watch some depressing show about dead kids and on top of that be forced to listen to John Cougar? Git outen my way, I got things to do!" Alex S., reformed gang member and unemployed shit kicker, said "I don't need to be put in a straightjacket, have my eyes pried open, and be fed medicine to be sick, I'll just vomit right now, in this interview." The only positive response our reporters could find was Cindy S. , an unemployed sheep shaver from Roane, Washington, who said, "I was going to drown myself, but watching this would be slightly less painful."

*Probably just Meg Ryan.