New York – Has years of treating employees fairly by providing benefits and pensions finally caught up to Hostess Brands forcing them into bankruptcy? That’s the story the snack maker is telling its creditors this week.
Unsolicited Drivel found it hard to believe an American company was not only still providing medical benefits, but also contributing to pensions in this economy, so we decided to dig deeper into Hostess’ economic conundrum. We spoke with an insider at the bakery who told us, “We’ve always planned ahead financially to take care of our employees. So you are correct in that there’s more to the story than they are letting on. That bitch Little Debbie has nothing to do with our problems either. And it wasn’t a result of Michelle Obama and her anti-childhood obesity campaign. Although, I’m sure the right will blame Mrs. Obama. But ironically, it was the GOP that killed sales in the last quarter for our Twinkie brand and they can take blame for our current financial crisis. For some odd reason, Americans never tired of seeing the the Republican presidential candidates deep-throating corn dogs at the Iowa State Fair and quickly abandoned not only regular Twinkies, but also deep-fried Twinkies in favor of the corn dogs. I don’t know what’s going to happen to the company now. I really wish they had at least followed my suggestion of letting little poor kids know that hollowing out Wonder Bread and forming it into a ball could double as a toy in a pinch as you can bounce it off of walls good as rubber. That suggestion might have floated the company through the holidays, provided our Christmas bonuses this year and delayed our filing for bankruptcy for a month or so for sure.”
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