Monday, March 12, 2012

Satan to Pull All Rush Limbaugh Ads

Hell – Satan, Prince of Darkness, his lowdownedness Lord Lucifer, announced today that even he has decided to pull advertising from Rush Limbaugh’s right wing radio program.

Speaking exclusively to Unsolicited Drivel, the demon of all demons told us, “You probably didn’t know how many retail ventures I have.  Like you know when you hear an ad for a mattress company selling for prices so low that you know the beds must be pre-owned, peed upon or infested with bed bugs?  Yeah, those companies are mine.  I also have other businesses like where we offer to back up all your computer data for a nominal fee and then sell your personal information to identity thieves.  Those are my types of businesses that were perfect for the Limbaugh demographic – complete boneheads who never think for themselves.  But Rush’s use of the word ‘slut’ to describe a private citizen who wasn’t even asking for government money to buy birth control pills ‘to make her a prostitute’ went over the line.  Don’t get me wrong – I do evil everyday.  Evil is my thing.  I’m responsible for reality TV you know. The Real Housewives franchise was my idea.  But it’s not my place to condone the actions of the incredibly stupid and I haven’t sold a mattress contaminated with Hep-C since this slutty Limbaugh shit storm began.  You think the fires of hell just burn without fuel?  No my enemies.  I have to buy coal - preferably that's been mined in a manner to cause future environmental disasters.  Let God deal with the stupid people.  He's the one who created Limbaugh that way."

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