Pizza Hut to Release Fragrance; Thinks Pepperoni is an Aphrodisiac!

Like...yum...I guess?

Canada – Who wouldn’t like to smell like a pepperoni pizza instead of fried codfish?  Pizza Hut Canada seems to think a lot of people would and has released a limited-edition of “Eau de Pizza Hut” just in time for the dysfunctional masses of people who have no invitations to Christmas dinner to attract others just like them and form, like, a holiday pity party, man!

First Burger King releases the “Flame” body spray (is that marketing directed at twinks?) and now pizza cologne!  If we at Unsolicited Drivel wanted to attract a suitable dining companion (translation: someone to pick up the check) we would want to smell like freshly cut blue fin tuna!  Oh wait, maybe “eau de fish” isn’t the best idea (insert joke about chicks here)?

Anyway, we talked to a Pizza Hut marketing spokesperson that told us:

 “It’s amazing how such a simple idea can intrigue simpletons.  That’s why we will be doing most of our marketing on the social media site Facebook.  Most of the younger people who are on that site will not grow up to learn how to cook because they will never be able to chop the ingredients due to carpal tunnel syndrome from texting their friends incessantly to brag about what ass-hats they are.  If we are successful and decide to market the product in the U.S., we’ll skip the states of Washington and Colorado, as the newly legal stoners there are not allowed to smoke in public, so we are assuming they may never leave their studio apartments again.  However, we know those folks will still remain loyal to our Pizza Hut pizzas as they will be too high to notice we haven’t put out a quality product since the early 90s.”