Area Woman Kinda Bummed the TSA Has Not Spied On Her Yet

Pikesville, MD – A young area woman expressed great disappointment today because she believed the NSA was never going to illegally wiretap her phone because she uses a socially conscious cellphone provider.

Emma “Sunshine” Greenberg told Unsolicited Drivel, “I left T-Mobile years ago because it took them 3 months to NEVER respond to a complaint. They talked me into buying a smart phone, which I found to be extremely dumb. You could lose your charge after basically just texting someone to meet for a pumpkin spice latte and it didn’t fit into my pocket, or even my purse with my all of my gluten-free protein bars.  So I switched to CREDO Mobile because they give no money to political parties and donate only to charity and the customers get to choose where the money goes.  My mother has been praying for the 'Men in Black, to take me away for years because we can’t afford healthcare because the evil Koch Brothers eliminated my dad’s entire division at Georgia Pacific around 2006. You know those dudes that are like the Duke Brothers from the movie ‘Trading Places’ and funded the Tea Party start-up only to have them implode by attracting bat-shit crazy people to come out of the woodwork?   Prison would mean free healthcare and mom had said I was probably on Dick Cheney’s radar ever since I figured out how to PhotoShop him to look like Satan and was emailing the picture to all of my friends. And I have a thyroid condition, get cystitis pretty regularly, and if you see me mom in this picture behind me...well, I will confess to being a cutter.  Ugh. Still, no GMC Suburban in the driveway with tinted windows.   Well, I’m still  not going to switch back to a cell phone carrier like Verizon just to get spied on.  I’ll keep working on controlling my condition through nutrition. Hopefully I won’t be killed by Monsanto despite my efforts at eating well regardless.”

Posted by: Urban Urchin