Jodie Foster’s Fans Fear She Must Be Deathly Ill

Austin, TX – Director and actress Jodie Foster has been speaking candidly with the press this week and insisting that she will love pal Mel Gibson until they day she dies, leaving droves of her fans to believe that she must be seriously ill.

Premiering her new movie starring Gibson "The Beaver," she told the press, "He is the most loved actor I have ever worked with on a movie. And he's not saintly, and he's got a big mouth. But I knew the minute I met him that I would love him the rest of my life."

Unsolicited Drivel caught up with one of Foster’s biggest fans at the South by Southwest Film Festival where Jodie was screening the long-delayed Gibson picture.  The extremely concerned young man told us, “These comments are very distressing indeed.  I mean at first we were worried for Jodie’s sanity when we heard her new move was called ‘The Beaver.’  Insert closeted-lesbian joke here.  Not a surprise that Gibson is the star as they are old friends, but of all of the animals she could have chosen?  And now, after his incredibly hateful, misogynistic and racist comments she says she will love him for the rest of her life?  Really?? Our fan club can only conclude that Jodie must be deathly ill with only months to live, and now we haven’t been able to enjoy the film festival at all.  Yes, that’s got to be the explanation.   Either she’s dying and will be rid of Mel and his antics soon enough, or her being previously cast in the movie ‘The Brave One’ will truly be a very ironic case of art imitating life.  We’re still waiting to hear about which scenario is which, but are praying our Clarice's complete recovery either way!”