This Week in Lying Tabloids: LeeAnn Rimes

Kardashian Kitten to Demand Emancipation

Los Angeles, Miami, New York, or whatever town they are currently infecting – Mercy Kardashian, the newest addition to the media whore clan, and kitten, is rumored to be hiring a lawyer to seek emancipation. 

The folks on Internet blogs have all been buzzing about whenever Kim K. posts a picture with her (pretending to love something other than herself), or the kitten with any other member of her furry family, the cat looks downright miserable.

We at Unsolicited Drivel have our own cat ranch with happy emotionally stable cats.  We sent our cat Giacomo (because he’s a hottie and Mercy’s a girl) out to interview her.  And here is what she told him:

“You know what my name is derived from?   Kim’s chant she continually repeats to herself, ‘Mercy, mercy, me!  I can’t believe I convinced the American public I have any talent other than being covered with pee!’  The little kid Mason is okay, but those other self-involved biotches are a bit much to stomach.  Especially as they only feed me caviar.  Bruce Jenner’s face also scares the fleas right off me.  Plus, I get tired of getting hot bikini wax dripped on my gorgeous fur.  And Kanye West is freaking irritating.  Every time I meow, he interrupts me and says, ‘Imma let you finish, but you ain’t the finest pussy in this K-klan!’  So I’ve hired a lawyer to gain my freedom.  That chick that represents Lohan.  She can rescue a miserable creature from anything!”

Giacomo also offered for her to come to live at the U.D. cat ranch as soon as Lohan’s lawyer wins her case and under the condition that Mercy would agree to change her name.  She said she would definitely consider it.

"I'm too sexy for myself" - Giacomo

UPDATE: R.I.P Mercy.  The poor kitten allegedly suffered from a "virus" and went to a MUCH better place. Kim had already tossed her aside claiming she was "allergic" to her, yet Kim doesn't sneeze uncontrollably at the smell of her shit-ass perfumes.