Obama Reluctantly Agrees to Deport Miley Cyrus

Washington, DC - President Obama announced to the press from the rose garden at the White House today that he has reluctantly agreed to deport VMA twerker Miley Cyrus.

The leader of the free world stated, "I'm... trying.... to... concentrate.... on... the.... human... rights... nightmare... that... is... Syria... and... all... you.... kooks... uh... Americans... can... talk... about... is... some... half... naked... Disney... future... rehab... patient. You... leave... me... no... choice. Sasha... and... Malia... burned... their... iPods... with... Miley's... songs... on... the... south... lawn... in... a... bonfire... anyway."

We at Unsolicited Drivel couldn't believe it ourselves that TWO DAYS after Cyrus' racy (but actually kind of creepy) performance at the MTV Music Video Awards that she was still the lead story on the morning infotainment shows.  Yet how could the president get away with deporting her? We know he can do all kinds of illegal spying and stuff like that, but wouldn't Miley have to agree to self-deport, having been born in a raccoon burrow or somewhere else near Nashville?

We checked in with a regular reader from the current music industry capital city for comment. He told us, "Y'all don't get it. Even though Obomber is Kenyan, he still has absolute power as the president of these here United States. So he went and declared Miley Cyrus to be an 'alien.' Heck, she looks like that Jar-Jar Binks anyhow! So I reckon he can do it. Plus, she done broke her pappy's achy-breaky-heart so many times now, she don't deserve to be with that one-hit wonder Billy Ray. So I reckon that little whore for the camera may as well associate herself with a no-hit wonder like Jar-Jar! All she deserves now.  That foamy finger she was masterbatin' with on stage would fit that other alien freak better anyways."

The Obamas Are EVERYWHERE on TV Now!

Sasha and Malia Obama Will NOT Be Keeping Up With the Kardashians

Washington, DC – First Lady Michelle Obama opened up in an interview recently and indicated that President Obama is no fan of his daughters watching the Kardashians on TV.

She stated, “Barack really thinks some of the Kardashians are well…uh, he didn’t come out and use the words ‘narcissistic, money-grubbing whores’ but let’s just say their show is off limits for the girls to watch. I’m okay with any television show if Sasha and Malia are learning the right lessons from it, but I don’t think learning how to bang an NBA star by releasing one’s own sex-tape sends the right message. Mind you, I’d be perfectly okay with either of the girls dating an NBA star. Barack does love the hoops. But I’d prefer if maybe they could meet in an emergency room setting when the NBA star has been rushed in for a bad reaction to performance enhancing drugs, like his testicles shriveling to the size of a couple peanuts, and either Sasha or Malia are working there and end up treating him because one or both of them have become a brilliant trauma specialist after med school. Plus, I have no interest in pimping out my kids so they can find a rich guy. I wouldn't even know where to begin. I'm just a simple gal who likes to shop at the Target."