From Russia Without Love

Vancouver – Let the games really begin!  Mind games, that is.  Russian skater Evgeni Plushenko glided into the lead in the men’s short program figure skating competition last night, but that didn’t keep him from hurling insults at his closest rival, American Evan Lysacek.  Plushenko has joyfully poked fun at Lysacek for omitting the quad jump from his program. The quad is the jump most likely to cause a skater break an ankle while landing leaving Dick Button to decry, “oooooooooooooh!” and leaving the skater to have to limp along red-faced through the rest of the program. This has been a sore spot for Lysacek in the past.  Literally.  The showdown this Thursday night between the two is going to be so heated, the ice will be in danger of melting.  Plushenko is prepared to intimidate and do so on and off the ice.  He is rumored to have sneered under his breath last night, “I shall put voices into his head…I will remotely alter his outlook on the competition by staring ice picks into his ankle, and all without him even knowing what I am doing to him.  Oh, and furthermore, moo hoo, ha ha!”  These comments were overheard by American athletes in the Olympic Village causing them to scratch their heads while wondering why he didn’t just hire a goon with a tire iron who would work for Smirnoff Ice.