Jamie Spears to Fix That Ornery Youngin’ Lindsay?

Los Angeles – While we are still waiting for a showdown between Michael Lohan and his daughter Lindsay today, another high-profile dad has weighed in with an opinion on their family crisis.  Pop-tart resuscitating Pop, Jamie Spears, has offered to save Michael the trouble and intervene, believe it or not.

Spears came forward after hearing the distressing news that Michael Lohan had issued an ultimatum to Lindsay to speak with him in person and let him check on the welfare of little sister Ali, or risk conservatorship.  Guessing that Michael didn’t realize that would entail actual daily interaction with his daughter, Spears offered this, “I got a feelin’ that fellar don’t know what a heap ‘o trouble he’s askin’ to get hisself into.  But I been there and done that, y'all.  Now that Britney’s back on track I got plenty-ah time on my hands, and that there Mr. Lohan is in the middle ah plannin’ a weddin’ and will have new kids he can screw up soon ‘nuff.  I’d be happy to help out. I would make sure to keep Lindsay away from that grumpy lookin' little boy Sam, too.  I might even be able ta get Lindsay’s music career back on track since no movie studio will touch her with a ten foot pole.   ‘Course, instead of ‘Circus,’ like we called Britney’s last album, we might want to think about something more personal for Lindsay like, say, ‘Asylum.’  Yessir, I’m sure I could help that little gal out.  Provided she’d be willing to switch her breakfast from Adderall to Velveeta cheese grits, that is.”