Katy and Russell Already Hitched?

Pop tart Katy Perry sparked rumors last week that she may have already wed hirsute hunk Russell Brand, although their wedding to sell photographs for tons of money is scheduled for October.

Speaking to talk show host Graham Norton and his set full of Barbie dolls last Thursday, the singer told him, “Life is never dull with Russell. That’s why I married him. I mean, eventually, people will realize my music sucks, and my boobs will really start to sag, so I’ll need the distraction of his antics to take my mind off of being a flash in the pan.  I’m sort of allergic to my rubber dresses too and I can only channel Bettie Page for so long. And as far as my kissing a girl and liking it, what are the odds of that being true if I can be happy kissing Russell every night?  He may not even be the same species.  Oh, and I totally meant that I plan to marry him this fall!”