Republican Lawmakers Vote to Become the Most Hated People in America

Washington, DC – The GOP Congress voted to repeal President Obama’s health care bill yesterday, proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that they have no issue with being perceived as complete dicks.

Every Republican, along with 3 Democrats, voted to repeal the measure with a final vote of 245-189.   The 189 lawmakers voting to maintain the legislation were the Democrats who likely don’t receive campaign funds from insurance companies*.

In one fell swoop the GOP Congress voted to alienate and/or possibly kill:

• Children, particularly those with pre-existing conditions, who will be denied living to adulthood now
• Young adult hipsters who fail to actively look for employment
• Young adult upstanding citizens who actively look, but cannot find employment in a GOP-fueled recession
• Senior citizens who cannot afford their prescription drugs to prolong a miserable old age in a country they no longer recognize

Yes, the GOP voted to violate pretty much everybody – including the Federal deficit, which they voted to increase by $230 billion if the repeal is passed.

House Majority Leader Eric Cantor was even heard grumbling about demanding the $250 payment sent to senior citizens to close the Medicare Part D prescription drug donut hole back from them personally – with interest.


While we are well aware that the vote to repeal the health care legislation was a campaign promise for the GOP, we still find it hard to understand why they would vote to harm so many Americans, so we checked in with our usual, unnamed political analyst for comment.

UD: “Wow, unnamed political analyst - we guess we never thought that the GOP would keep their promise to be so heartless.  It’s certainly true that many Americans don’t like parts of this health care bill, but they also approve of having the bill, so why would the Republicans and the three douchey Dems vote like this?”

UPA:  “Well, it should be crystal clear to you by now that the only people Republicans care about other than themselves are unborn fetuses, and this health care bill doesn’t specifically mention those.  Also, Republicans are notorious for giving no forethought to the future, so this vote proves it’s obvious they haven’t even considered what will happen when they run for reelection.  The repeal is not likely to make it through the Senate anyway, so the GOP is just keeping in character,  as who else can deliver an empty promise better than an empty suit?”


*No, we’re NOT implying that Reps. Mike Ross (D-AK), Mike McIntyre (D-NC) and Dan Boren (D-OK) get campaign funds from insurance companies…but only because we can’t be bothered to do the research this morning.  Possibly, being southerners, they might also get money from big tobacco, an industry that is almost as fond of killing Americans as our lawmakers, but again, we’re too tired to do the research. Our bad.