10% Tanning Tax Turns Vain People into Loonies

Washington, DC - Fallout from the new tanning tax has already turned vain white people into crazy white people – and it’s not just Snooki.

Patrons of tanning salons are almost exclusively white, and they claim that to tax them on their tans is a form of “reverse racism.”  Even conservative commentators, like Rush Limbaugh, who couldn’t fit in a tanning booth if his very life depended upon it, are crying racism over the surcharge and calling for equal protection against discrimination. 

Is the tax unconstitutional?  One professor of law at Harvard told the Washington Post, "There is no constitutional problem at all, because a plaintiff would have to show that the government intended to disadvantage a particular group, not simply that the group is disadvantaged in effect."

We asked one proponent of tanning as sport, Camille Ritardario for her thoughts and she told us, “Our founding fathas fought for my right for tannin’ myself into an early grave if I want. This is descrem, discram, uh, goes against white people and their right to look hot. Or hide our pasty alcoholic faces, yo!”

One congressperson on the Hill, who asked not to be named, told us, "To say that rationale behind this tax in the healthcare bill was a mere guise for wanting to stick it to whitey is totally irrational.  Everyone knows we stick it to white Americans by letting the big banks run roughshod over them.”