Stones to Stop Rolling!!?!

The Sun tabloid is reporting exclusively before some U.S. equally “credible” media outlet reports exclusively, that the longest-lived band of the British invasion, THE ROLLING STONES, is retiring.  The rock and roll foursome, with a combined age of either 732 or 268 (we slept through math class), has announced that their next world tour in 2012, marking their half-century anniversary, will be their last.

It seems so hard to believe that the Stones are finally calling it a day, but their band manager told us, “They finally have realized it’s time to bow out now, like they should have in 1983.  Drummer Charlie Watts will celebrate his 70th birthday during the tour and admitted he’s looking forward to his first good night’s sleep since 1962 at its end.  Ronnie Wood, hired because he looked like a Rolling Stone, plans to have a radical makeover to look more like Justin Beiber so he can continue to pick up teenage Russian girls.  Lead singer Mick Jagger will host a show on the Travel Channel where he visits exotic locales around the world for paternity testing and Keith Richards, not being of this earth, will likely still continue to tour well after he and his band mates are long dead.”