Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Prince William to Finally Wed!

London – Too bad for chicks that want to be stalked so much by the media that they develop bulimia - Prince William is off the market!

After months of speculation and iPhone apps launched to create betting pools to name the date, Prince William Arthur Beaufort William Philip Louis William Skywalker Frederic Cedric Arthur Wales Spencer Wales, or “Wills,” to you and me, has finally announced his engagement to Kate Middleton.  It’s true.  The Prince proposed to his long-time girlfriend (after clearing it with the Queen, but not Charles) last month on a vacation to Kenya, and the wedding will take place some time in the spring or summer of 2011 in London.

It was believed that the Prince had been ready to propose for some time, but the Queen was insistent that Kate had some employment experience in the real world ahead of their marriage.  Knowing that William was “the one,” Kate very appropriately took a job in charity work to prepare for her future duties as a royal, which will include (as always, with those before her), but are not limited to – shaking hands.

After speculation that the engagement ring would be made from a Welsh gold nugget, it was revealed that William offered his mother’s ring to the future Queen Katherine, thus increasing the odds of a nightmare of being harangued by the tabloids to get a glimpse of the symbol of betrothal even more than she would have been subjected to originally.

Unsolicited Drivel wondered about the timing of the engagement when it was speculated that it was going to happen last June.  An anonymous palace spokesperson and future tell-all biographer told us, “It was never in the royal family’s plan for Wills to get engaged last summer. We knew it was inevitable, but were unsure just when it would take place.  But ever since the Queen got on Facebook, we figured it would happen sooner rather than later as despite the fact that fans are not allowed to poke her, we were guessing they would crash the site’s servers by trying to do just that and we didn't want to piss off that Zuckerberg guy.”

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