Is Anderson Cooper the New Oprah?

Los Angeles – The Hollywood Reporter ran a story that indicated “Anderson,” Anderson Cooper’s new daytime talk show has already been signed in 80 TV stations across the country, enabling it to reach 70 percent of TV viewers.  The show is supposedly targeted at women looking to be informed, entertained and connected to the world.  Does this mean that the Silver Fox is the new Oprah?

We wondered if the CNN anchorman could really fill Lady O’s shoes?  He doesn’t have a lot of competition, really.   If we don’t count the panel-centric-cackle-fests like “The View,” or “The Talk,” then who?  Rachel Ray?  Nope.  Tyra’s gone and Wendy Williams is too busy deep frying wigs and lighting Slim Jims™ on fire to be taken seriously.

Our usual, unnamed media analyst was conveniently available for comment.  He told us, “I don’t know if someone as buttoned down as Anderson will ever be able to introduce guests like a carnival barker, but perhaps he could work on it.  I do suppose that it would be entirely believable that he could have a male assistant that would incite gay rumors in the years to come.  I suppose a multi-media empire including a magazine with his steely gaze on the cover every single month might also be in order as bored housewives could use some eye candy in the check out line.  If Anderson really wants to please female viewers, first he'll need to become a bra fitting specialist.  Then he’ll have to learn to love lavender.  The ladies love the lavender for stress relief.  His favorite things will have to include items like lavender/shea butter anti-sagging body creams, lavender tofu ice cream, lavender aromatherapy emitting cell phones, lavender scented gym shoe sachets, lavender stem hand-woven crusher hats, lavender unleavened flour tortillas, well, you get the idea.  He’ll need to favorite other ridiculously priced things as well, like ermine-fur bunion cozies and bone china tea cups made with actual rare dinosaur bones.  Items you would find on websites like www.moremoneythansense.com.  He’ll also have to develop a special ‘so sad I can’t believe it’ look, and a ‘don’t you dare lie to me’ and ‘there, there’ look.  We know he already has a ‘holy mother of Jesus/our government is evil incarnate’ look as he used that during Hurricane Katrina.  But Oprah’s never been political, so he should probably leave that one in the dressing room.”