Charlie Sheen Stands in Solidarity With Wisconsin Workers, Yet Receives No Free Pizza – Or HBO Show

I'm firsty...

Somewhere in the Bahamas – Troubled one-dimensional actor Charlie Sheen is currently vacationing with his harem of porn stars and waiting for a pizza that will never come.

Sheen told the folks at the at the gossip site Retread Online last night that he believed he was standing in solidarity with the union workers of Wisconsin because of his calling his rich bastard boss on the now defunct show Two and a Half Men a “clown” and a “maggot” and threatening to take his next urine test in the producer's mouth, but he still hadn’t received any pizza yet from well wishers.  He also stated that his “goddesses were getting really hungry after all of their exercise.”

Production on Sheen’s sexist sitcom was canceled for the rest of the season due to a series of nearly incoherent rants Sheen made on the radio when he wasn’t allowed to return to work as soon as he would have liked after his latest drug-fueled binge.

Sheen also insisted to Retread Online “I’m close to securing a deal with HBO for a 10 show guarantee at 5 million per episode.”

A Hollywood insider at HBO insists Sheen’s story is nothing but a great work of fiction and told Unsolicited Drivel, “Uh, 5 million per episode?  I don’t even think Jesus could negotiate that kind of money and particularly not in this town.  We have no plans for Charlie Sheen and not because as an actor he’s one-dimensional.  We don’t have a problem with actors whose sole talent is furrowing their brows while delivering snarky one-liners.  I mean, really.  I’ve got four words for you – Sex and the City!  The real problem was that Sheen was insistent that his next show be called Sheen’s Corner.  There already was a show called The Corner, which might be confusing for the audience and it’s much too soon after The Wire for HBO to consider doing another show about crack-heads.”